When I started this blog, I had all sorts of good intentions and tons of ideas for articles I would write. Sadly, I’ve been too busy burrowing here and there and working at becoming an archaeologist to actually do any of them.
What is even sadder is that what has pushed me to write again is not an inspiration or a great idea. It’s something awful that happened earlier today.
Today, at about lunchtime, I was taking my usual shortcut through Lewis’s department store in Liverpool, on my way to my normal Saturday lunch and window-shopping session in the city centre. I was passing by where they display the china when I became aware of a disturbance behind me. I kept walking, not really wanting to see. The disturbance followed. A man was shouting really loudly at someone, probably several people. I think there was a raised female voice as well, but I’m not sure. It was when I caught “It’s none of your fucking business” and “I was having a conversation with my WIFE” among the torrent of “fuck off” that I got a clue what was going on. My heart sank. I detest violence and disorder in public towards anybody, woman, man or child, but public displays of domestic violence sicken me in a particularly personal way.
I tried to keep walking. The man pushed past some people and was now level with me. He was now verbally abusing another woman who had obviously pulled him up on his shitty behaviour. I do not know who she was. He called her, among other things, a “soft cow” and repeatedly told her to fuck off. Other insults were used, but I don’t remember them. At this point, a tall blonde woman in a checked jacket caught my eye. The look she gave me was not one of fear exactly, more the kind of look you do give a fellow person in this kind of situation, when you don’t know how to act and are looking around for support. I did not know who this woman was or what her part in the debacle was. I thought she may have been the bystander who had been the object of the last outburst.
I mouthed to her something about getting one of the assistants, not wanting to draw fire myself. Too late. As I was approaching the hosiery section, the man started shouting at me to fuck off, claiming it was nothing to FUCKING do with me and calling me a “soft cow” and other insults I cannot remember precisely enough to want to recount them. I am ashamed to say that I turned round and pretended I hadn’t noticed what was going on. By this time, a security guard had appeared. The man walked away, shoving a mobile phone into the hand of the blonde woman. It was only then that I noticed that they had a small child with them.
I was rather shaken. I am not used to this sort of thing happening. I went over to two of the female shop staff, who had seen what had happened. They said that shop security were now following the man. They were very kind and listened to my outraged and saddened waffling for a bit, both agreeing that the man’s behaviour was totally unacceptable. “Some people are just horrible”, is what one of them said to me.
All I did was show some concern and rudimentary solidarity with a fellow woman, heck, a fellow human being. If you are reading this, Mr Fuck-ugly overtanned psycho-aggressive control-freak misogynist who was passing through Lewis’s at about 1:10 pm on Saturday, 19th April, I have one thing to say to you. Take a leaf out of your own book. My concern for a fellow woman and disconcertion at your vile public behaviour is none of your fucking business. You act like a misogynist jerkoff in public, the few decent and brave people around will intervene and WILL pull you up on your unaceptable levels of aggression and rudeness. Just because a woman happens to be married to you, does not give you the right to insult, denigrate, threaten or humiliate her in public – whatever it was you did when you were thankfully out of my sight and direct earshot.
The person who intervened first, and I, were totally within our rights to expect you not to act like that in public or elsewhere. We were not in the wrong and you had NO fucking justification to insult and intimidate us and any other decent right-minded shop assistant or passer-by who was subjected to your violent outburst.
I will not mind my own business. For too long, this awful stupid feeling that we shouldn’t interfere has indirectly caused many serious crimes – I’m thinking most DV-related murders, most child abuse-related killings, a good number of horrific crimes against vulnerable adults, Dog knows how many other offences – or at least allowed them to go on undetected.
It’s time to get angry again. All that is needed for evil to triumph is for the good to do nothing. Or mind their own bloody business.
April 25, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I witnessed something similar a while back. I was on my way out of a London Underground station when I heard a man shouting and abusing a woman. The man was verbally threatening the woman and telling anyone who even dared to stop and look at him ‘to f off.’ With the threat of ‘terrorism’ being everywhere (so we are led to believe by those who know) London Underground staff are supposed to be more visible to members of the public as they use underground transport. Guess what? No London Underground staff were around and yet this was a main underground station situated right in the centre of London.
What did I do? Well, I stopped and stared at the man because, yes it is shocking hearing a man issue such threats to a woman who was evidently in great distress. Did I do anything? Truth is no I didn’t. Why not? Because I was stunned. But, next time I’ll be prepared – I’ll know what to do and that is seek out staff if it happens in a store, underground station or other public place.
At least I did do something when a young man was sexually harassing two young overseas female visitors whilst they were trying to exit an underground station. At least I approached these two young women and asked if everything was okay. Man then stopped harassing them. Not the same thing of course as when men think it is their right to abuse women in public simply because in many men’s views once a woman is married to the man or he is her partner, this gives him ownership rights. But still it is a continuum along the lines of ‘men own women and men have the right to commit violent acts against women.’
April 26, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Jennifer, thanks for dropping by!
I must say that the shop assistants and the security guard were trying to solve the problem, but they were really limited in what they could do. Our legal system is far too concerned with letting certain members of our species do whatever the hell they want with their “property” – it’s all about this ghastly “none of your business” mentality that I was railing against. It puts anyone perceived as vulnerable (whether or not they are physically vulnerable) in a dangerous place.
May 4, 2008 at 10:13 am
Hi, Radical Rodent, sorry for delay in replying – you’re right all too often when something similar to what you witnessed happens in public, a lot of individuals will thing it is ‘not my business.’ They just don’t want to get involved. You’re right the sales assistants and security guards did what they could but they don’t have the powers that police have.